In-YOUR-endo

The English language is nothing if not ‘juicy’ and ‘fluid’.

Take the words ‘sexual intercourse’ for example.

Broken down into it’s separate ‘parts’, the word ‘sexual’ has a variety of meanings ranging from “relating to the instincts, physiological processes, and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals” to “(of reproduction) involving the fusion of gametes”.

Intercourse is defined as “communication or dealings between individuals or groups”.

No amount of ‘bump and grind’ will make any of these definitions sound like ‘shagging’.

Even ‘having sex’ doesn’t even fully explain the mechanics of it. Being female means ‘having a sex’. But what in ‘stuffed beaver’ heck does that have to do with ‘the beast with two backs’?

When it comes to ‘shaking the trailer’, visually relatable language ‘threads the needle’, ‘buries the bone’ and ‘hits a home run’.

Every generation has been ‘known, in the biblical sense,’ to have ‘come’ up with better ways to ‘butter the biscuit’ and ‘pump out’ better verbal imagery of exactly what ‘exchanging bodily fluids’ might look, taste and feel like.

Licking, sipping, sucking the message. As it were.

There are plenty of ‘spunk’-y  ways to talk about ‘mingling limbs’ as you ’test the suspension’ going ‘bumper to bumper’ along the ‘freeway of love’.

A number of explanations may need further clarification (or perhaps a Therapist’s intervention) like ‘opening the gates or Mordor’ or ‘getting some skankie on the hang-down’.

And there probably are rules about when and where one can ‘test the humidity’ while ‘burping the worm in a mole hole’, without a ‘slip of the tongue’ finding you ‘muff diving’ the foot path or, as Americans would say, “pounding the punani pavement”.

For the mums and dads out there, choosing when to ‘go home to play with the box the kids came in’ is critical.

And would it be wrong to mention ‘taking the old one eye to the Optometrist’ in polite company?  Standards, my friends, standards. After all, doing the ‘no pants dance’ sounds rather quaint when compared to ‘riding the skin bus to tuna town’.

The secret to the ‘lust and thrust’ of language is knowing which ‘root to get wet’ (for the Aussies) and to practice becoming an expert cunninglinguist.

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