Talking about dating for the over….cough….50’s is a little bit treacherous. Dating at this age means –we hope- that you are single. If you are newly single, it means the wheels have fallen off somewhere….if you have been single for a very long time, chances are your wheels may need some re-alignment.
We have talked about middle aged lady mojo before at MGN, but around half of the people on this Earth are men, and they have needs too.
Gay or straight, bi or try (yes, try anything once….we’ve all heard the joke) being a bloke and being single is hard work in a world marketed towards couples.
As a gentleman who has lasted this long, you’ve probably (hopefully) learned a thing or two about yourself and what you like and don’t like.
Most people, really all people, just want to be loved for who they are.
For a lot of men, though, often the world views who they are with ‘what they do’ or ‘what they have’. This is wrong. On all levels.
It may be a gross generalization, but it’s made often enough to have become a truth. Women are usually judged on their looks and behaviour, men on their ability to provide.
It may be archaic, but it still exists.
Try listening in on a conversation of men who are meeting for the first time. How long before the conversation turns to ‘what you do/did for a crust’?
Seconds at worst…minutes at best…and let the social strata game begin. Men are often fed the misinformation that what they ‘do’ is who they are. And often it is women who perpetuate that myth.
On dating sites, occupation is a key descriptor. For humans, this is a pigeon holing bit of knowledge. White collar worker- education and money, blue collar worker- less education and possibly less income.
Does less education mean less intelligence? No.
Does blue collar always mean less money in the bank? No.
Does what you do for a living define you? No.
Unless you list ‘serial killer’ as your job, in which case, thanks for the warning and good luck with your future endeavours.
Men who are in the dating scene in their later years are bound to get caught up in the unfair position of having to defend themselves in terms of what sort of work they have been up to in order to attract a mate. Women don’t offer have to suffer with this, although being judged on the skin on your thighs is equally unfair.
For men who want to find someone who loves them for WHO they are, and not just ‘WHAT they are, it is truly awful to have to answer to another person’s judgement of your value based on the ancient skills of hunter gathering.
In the single and ready to mingle world today, women actually gush to their girlfriends about a guy who is ‘super nice, and loaded’ or ‘friendly, plus he’s a Doctor’ or ‘fun to be with, plus he paid for everything’.
This is uncool. Seriously uncool.
If a woman doesn’t want to be seen as a pet, she shouldn’t behave like her fingers can’t reach the coins in the bottom of her purse.
Women still earn significantly less in most professions for the same skills- and we can rant about that until those damn cows come home- but dating someone should not be reliant on his ability to buy you jet flown steak. If he is a butcher, great. Steak every day.
If he is a really great bloke who buys you a meal, fabulous.
If YOU buy HIM dinner, he can still get an erection.
Unfortunately for men, they are often required to play the part of ‘The purse’ in a relationship, particularly one in which there is genuine financial inequality or an age gap that means he’s had more than a decade to put away pennies. There is nothing wrong with that situation if the man in question is being treated with respect, and the partner is ensuring that he gets to see himself as more than a walking ATM.
Men fear being taken advantage of, and why wouldn’t they? Often, they are.
A lonely man will buy love if he needs to. This shouldn’t be an imitation for every unscrupulous partner, female or male, to undermine his spirit and lower his esteem to a point where all he feels he has to offer is his signature on the bottom of a credit card slip.
Dating in the gray-haired years is tough enough without the added pressure of having to perform in a shop, as well as in bed.
If you want to be treated well, treat others well, and equally, if you single and looking fir love, then look for LOVE, not erroneous traits involving cash or aesthetics that are NOT substitutes for love. That way the relationship you nurture will be more than a cliché or a cautionary tale.