1. They’ve lived in a foreign country for 25 years but they’ve only ever learned the words “ hello” and “ 2 cold beers please” in their host countries language.

2. They’ve married a local but they don’t know their partners mothers name. They just call her Ma. Everyone calls her Ma, and besides, apart from saying ‘hello’ and asking her for two cold beers, what would they talk about?

3. They support their home countries sporting teams and leagues with a passion bordering on maniacism, but they have no idea if the town or city they are living in a) has a league of the same discipline or b) where or how they would go about finding out.

4. They constantly refer to things being better ‘back at home’, but refuse to move back there.

5. If they do run into problems, they complain to everybody but the relevant authorities, so nothing ever changes, thus confirming in their minds at least that….everything is better at home. Guess how ‘home’ got it right? People doing something MORE than complaining.

6. They forget how to dress. Just because the locals are wearing ill-fitting shorts and whatever t-shirt still almost fits, doesn’t mean you can. Some people dress in whatever clothes they can afford. If you can afford clothes that fit properly. FFS, buy and wear them. This also applies to colour combinations, and to both women and men.

7. They complain about the heat, and the cold, and the rain, and the water restrictions. Shut up. The weather where you come from is just as naturally occurring. Are you a weather God? Then be hush.

8. They will travel miles to eat badly prepared food from home. Then complain that it’s not how their local restaurant at home makes it. Guess where they should go if they want it prepared the way it is ‘at home’?

9. Their kids have grown up with kids of every shade and culture and religion. They know one guy who is a local. He cleans their car. Oh, and there’s the guy who studied at University near the ex-prat’s home town. He’s OK.

10. When they do ‘go home’ either on home leave from work or to visit relo’s in the summer, all they ever talk about is how much better it is in their adopted country.



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