Being single can be a tricky business, dating is full of unwritten rules. When to grab that first kiss? When to take him home? Who pays for dinner? The list goes on. One of the hardest parts of getting to first, let alone third, base is the whole approach at the start. Ice breakers like wearing a name tag never work in bars, and getting blind drunk and dancing on the table to attract attention might get you lucky, but not with anyone you’d want to meet the next day at the supermarket. An opening line is usually the answer. Something like “Hi I’m…..blah blah blah” seems to work, but there are plenty of fancier ways to go about it.
And there are ways to avoid.
Here are 10 genuinely sh*te pick up lines that have actually been used to ZERO effect. Do NOT use these.
1. How much money would it take for you to come home with me? (As a caveat, this DOES work with hookers, just not with girlfriend/boyfriend types)
2. Hey, I know this thing in my nose looks like snot, but it’s actually a scar. Let me tell you how I got it? (Again, these are ACTUAL lines that have been used that DO NOT WORK).
3. You are a pretty woman; I bet you’d look great if you lost just a little bit of weight.
4. You remind me so much of my ex. He’s a total douche, but I don’t mean it like that. (Shhh, stop talking)
5. I usually don’t approach people like you but I’m a bit drunk.
6. I haven’t seen you here before; I usually hang out at better places. Can I buy you a drink?
7. You probably don’t remember me, but we once did drugs together at a party. You were a total wreck. I remember thinking you would probably f**k anything for coke. So, you still single?
8. Hi, I was just looking at your suit; you must have that for ages.
9. Hi, I usually don’t approach people like this but….oh…no….never mind…. (Walks away EMPTY HANDED)
10. (Licks finger and runs it down potential mates sleeve) Oh, your clothes are wet, wanna go back to my place and dry them off? (No, not even if we had once done drugs together at a party….f**k off)